oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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