come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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