I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
