he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
