I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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