I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
