I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
