so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
