your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
