I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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