I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
