I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
