between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
