Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
