ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
