can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
