If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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