i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
