did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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