She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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