Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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