When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
