She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
