She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
