I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
