I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
