DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
