I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
