I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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