Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
