You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
