i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
