I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
