Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
