I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
