Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I pour the whiskey from now on
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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