im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
