that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
