It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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