i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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