And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
