Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
