someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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