My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
