saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
