A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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