so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
