Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
