Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do herpes really smell.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
