member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
