Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
