So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
